I've been getting many positive responses to one of my articles regarding the prevalence of email rudeness, idiocy and gross breach of social decorum. I'd like to thank everyone for sending me some examples they have received - they were a range of completely moronic, humorous, and incomprehensibly dumb. One reader in particular submitted to me something I just had to share. It has to be read to be believed. His response is at the top; the initial email is at the bottom.
----------------------------------------------
James [name changed],
Either you are slightly on the lazy side of things or you
are just so new at this that you have absolutely no clue what you are
doing. Please let me provide you with some constructive criticism.
I
will put these in point form so hopefully you can understand them. If
anything, please read these and absorb them, they may just help you if
you ever hope to make a living at recruiting.
1. You addressed the email to “Dear Confidential”. (This should be self explanatory as a stupid and lazy error.)
2. Your email is full of grammar errors.
3.
Your email is completely unprofessional. This looks like a cheap form
letter, not at all the right way to catch the attention of a
professional. You might want to personalize it a little and try to show
that you at least care about what you are doing. “Got a chance to see
your resume…” sounds like you came off the street corner, not from an
office. Please tell me you don’t start your sentences with “Yo” or
“Wassup”.
4.
Why are you asking me to review the matrix to see if I am a good fit
when you started by telling me that my resume is a good match? (Sorry,
you actually said: “your resume is good match”.) Isn’t this YOUR job to
figure out – THIS IS WHAT YOU GET PAID FOR. I think you probably also
get paid to speak English, but maybe not.
5. Another point about
this mysterious “matrix”. If you are going to ask someone to review
something, make sure it is ATTACHED to the email you are sending. I
think you are trying to tell me that you will send the matrix after
receiving my word resume, but I really can’t figure out what you are
saying. All I am left with is to ponder “What is the Matrix?” Should I
be looking for Morpheus? I think I will opt for the blue pill and chalk
this one all up to a bad dream. (If you don’t understand the reference
I suggest using Google.)
6.
You wrote: “below is complete requirement details please send me your
resume in MS Word format resume ASAP”. Never mind that this sentence
makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, but “ASAP”? I am neither your
friend nor your colleague. This does not impress.
7. You are stating
that there “may” be a written test at the client site “dependent on
each position”. Well, shouldn’t YOU be checking if this is actually a
client requirement. Further, how many positions are there? Looks to me
like there is only one, so I have no idea how this “would be dependent
on each position”.
8. By the way, it’s not called “a CPIC”, it is a
“criminal record check”. Wow, where would I go to get my very own
personal Canadian Police Information Centre? If I could get one of
those I could retire and I certainly wouldn’t need your position being
offered.
9. Lastly, the worst on the whole list. You disclosed who
the client is. NEVER disclose the client until you have spoken to a
candidate to find out if they are already represented to the client, or
if they will permit you to exclusively represent them to the client.
I
believe Sarah [named changed] has a responsibility for assessing those interested in
recruiting for your firm. She should be able to help you analyze the
points above and improve your approach so that you may be more
successful. I have copied her on this email.
If Microtech [named changed] wishes to represent me in the future, someone will have to do
a pretty good job to convince me that you folks are serious.
--------------------------
Dear Confidential ,
I am James from Microtech, Got a chance to see your resume on monster.ca, your resume is good match with
our current opportunity, below is complete requirement details please send me your resume in MS Word format resume ASAP
To
begin your submission process, Please send me your word format resume
then I send you other document and a matrix package and need to
complete by you carefully.
Please Note**As the matrix is quite
thorough and can be time consuming, kindly therefore, please review
thoroughly to ensure that you are indeed a very good fit before
proceeding.
**Please note that you will be required to obtain a CPIC
(Canadian Police Information Centre) if this position is offered to you
by the client:
**There may be a written test required for this
position directly at the Client's site, it would be dependent on each
position*****
Project Descriptions
[...]
The
incumbent will be reporting to the Supervisor of the Information
Security Office The primary business location is XXXXX.; travel
may be required to other sites as part of the position
Best Regards
James
 Microtech Inc.
"Specialists in Recruitment"
|
